Friend's boyfriend calls out woman for unread books on her bookshelf, doubles down and calls her 'defensive': 'I don't have a safe where I keep all my books I haven't gotten around to reading yet'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 4, 2026 10:00 PM EST

Do you keep unread books on your bookshelf? Where do you keep them if you don't? 

We all have certain habits that we would rather keep to ourselves. We have that weird little thing that we'd rather nobody else know about. This is always the risk of having somebody over to your house for the first time. They might pick up on the fact that you keep your vitamins in the refrigerator so that you always know where they are and remember to take them. Or they might spy your secret collection of romance novels that you're not so proud to be a reader of. But rather than foibles, these are things that should give us the opportunity to be vulnerable. They let people into our lives and see what we're really like behind closed doors. 

But what should never be tolerated is judgment. We don't deserve to be judged for anything we do in the privacy of our own home that doesn't harm anybody else. And if somebody tries to come along and judge us for it, then they're not a welcome houseguest. The person in the story confronted that situation head-on. But the problem was, she was being judged for something that everybody does. I don't know a single person who reads books who has read every single volume on their shelf. Sometimes we pick up a book to save for later. And then you still need somewhere to keep them. Anyone who has a bookshelf has books they haven't read on it. 

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  • A woman in a blue jacket looks at books on her bookshelf
    via Alexei Maridashvili

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That doesn't mean that you're an anti-intellectual, or that you don't read. It means that there are a few you haven't read yet. But the man in the story decided to judge his friend for doing so. But his judgment actually revealed a lot more about his own insecurities than the person that he was trying to judge. Problems continued to arise when the friend caught in the middle tried to take sides and ended up embroiling the drama further. Read on to see exactly what happened in the story and decide what you would've done in her situation.

  • Am I in the wrong for having a book on my bookshelf I haven't read?

    My friend's boyfriend came to my apartment to get something she left here. While I was getting her stuff he was in my living room. I returned, and he pointed at a specific book on my bookshelf. He asked me what the book was about. I said "I don't know; I haven't read it yet."
    via u/MaterialCap9733
  • I said "I don't know; I haven't read it yet." He rolled his eyes at me and said "oh so you just have it on your bookshelf so people will think you're smart?" I was annoyed and said "no, I have it on my bookshelf because it's a book and that's where I keep books, on my bookshelf. I don't have a safe where I keep all my books I haven't gotten around to reading yet."
    via u/MaterialCap9733
  • He said there was no need for me to be defensive. I said I was being defensive because he insulted me. He said when people see a book on a bookshelf they assume the owner of the shelf has read it. I said I don't organize my apartment for other people to assume things off of. I keep books on the bookshelf because that makes it easy to find them.
    via u/MaterialCap9733
  • He rolled his eyes at me, and I got mad. I gave him my friend's stuff and said not to worry about my deceptive bookshelf because he is banned from my apartment. My friend texted me later asking what the hell happened because her boyfriend said I flipped my lid at him. I told her and she said I was acting crazy and his questions were natural. Am I the asshole?
    via u/MaterialCap9733

  • Commenters agreed that this was a wild thing to call someone out for.

    W... NTA Your friend's boyfriend is a pretentious goof.
    via u/Wizard_of_Claus
  • Particular_Title42 If you're an AH for owning a book you've never read, I don't even want to know what I am.
    via u/Particular_Title42
  • almightylulu NTA. A lot of people have a To Be Read list on their shelves/devices. Just because you have it doesn't mean you have to know everything about it.
    via u/almightylulu
  • LM_048 Girl I have two whole shelves of books I haven't read yet, and I doubt everyone who goes to your house is like "OOH LOOK SHE READ THIS." Respectfully no one cares as much as he seems to lol You're Nta
    via u/LM_048
  • Only-Breadfruit-6... The first question was fine, after that it immediately went downhill. NTA
    via u/Only-Breadfruit-6108
  • FaustsAccountant I have my Shelf of Shame. It's full of books, movies, TVs show and games I grab when they are on sale, for when I have time and/or in the mood to enjoy later. The real asshole is him to goes to someone else's home and insults them.
    via u/FaustsAccountant
  • A man in black glasses sits surrounded by books
    via Egor Filin

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • friendlily NTA. He's an AH, especially after doubling down. I have a to-be-read next pile on a couch side table and an unread shelf in my living room, and a read shelf in my office. His head would explode if he came to my house.
    via u/friendlily
  • Affectionate-War7... NTA. He's stupid. Nobody in their right mind would see a bookshelf and think "no way they have books for reading tomorrow in here". To be honest, it gives the same vibes as "oh, you're wearing a band tee? Name three songs of theirs".
    via u/Affectionate-War7655
  • ProjectGlum9090 NTA - I dread to think what he would say about all my books that I haven't read yet lol
    via u/ProjectGlum9090
  • Madds933 Nta He's a complete weirdo, he's in your apartment can put unread books wherever the hell you want. She's a bit of a twat, but can't teach stupid. Ignore and don't react.
    via u/Madds933
  • 13ex_G Nta he's a loser and any book lover/avid reader has multiple books they haven't started yet in their book case. I have multiple books in the queue and I'm stocking up on more.
    via u/13ex_G
  • spambreath How pretentious. I have a books I haven't read yet on my self. I'll get to them. What a douchey thing for him to say about it.
    via u/spambreath
  • Lost_Customer69... NTA He hasn't lived around other humans has he? I have books that I've found or given to me from others. I have many books I have never read and don't plan on reading. I don't assume that if a book is in a person's house that they've read it
    via u/Lost_Customer6938
  • shezza314 This gives very tell-me-five - songs-of-this-band vibes. What a ridiculous guy NTA
    via u/shezza314
  • RandomNameRan... Nta your friends boyfriend sounds pretentious and annoying.
    via u/RandomNameRanomly
  • siclepizza NTA there are a heap of books on my bookshelf I haven't read. They're there for when I want to read them. Dude sounds like an ass.
    via u/siclepizza
  • ThisWeekInTheRe... NTA 'He said when people see a book on a bookshelf they assume the owner of the shelf has read it' Only people who don't actually read. Every real reader I know has a huge TBR pile! Well answered. He's a jerk.
    via u/ThisWeekInTheRegency
  • glimmerseeker I think everyone I know has books on their shelves they haven't read, just like I do. You're NTA. He sounds like one, though.
    via u/glimmerseeker
  • CascadianCaravan When I was younger, I had 2 bookshelves. One for books I had read and the other for books I hadn't read yet. Now, I have 5 bookshelves, because I needed more room for the books I hadn't read yet.
    via u/CascadianCaravan
  • NTA. And I have some books from the 1800s that I will likely never read, but I still treasure them. I also have a library card to get media I don't want to own. Haven't gotten a Kindle, because I have plenty to read already.
    via u/CascadianCaravan
  • Fresh_Passion1184 He's a poser who thinks he knows something because he heard it on some podcast. I am smart. I don't need a bookcase to prove it, or to justify what I have or haven't read to anyone.
    via u/Fresh_Passion1184
  • I gave up physical books 2 moves ago. All my books are on e reader now. NTA you have the right to keep anyone out of your apartment for any reason. It's your home and your safe space. People don't get to mistreat you on your turf.
    via u/Fresh_Passion1184
  • metallee98 You are right. That's where books go. It's fine. He is being weird about it. Nta. Also reading books doesn't make you smart. So that's also weird he said that
    via u/metallee98
  • JosieJOK Hmm, now I'm wondering where this guy keeps books he hasn't yet read--and that's entirely too much brainpower to waste on such a douche! NTA.
    via u/JosieJOK

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drama judgement friends book lovers friend drama snob etiquette
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